This isn’t completely accurate for the Bean, but it hit close enough to home that I had to share it on my blog.
Which part of the brain most describes the toddler in your life?
Private-i, once again, sent me something that requires immediate follow-up. A blog I frequent, Rants from Mommyland, often makes me think that she is raising my child.
The entry entitled “Five things about the terrible twos” brings up a part of the two-year-old psyche that I don’t believe I’ve mentioned in my writings. It is the fearlessness. My daughter is also similar to the nastyass honey badger. Unless of course, you have a vacuüm – then she is a pile of slobbering, quivering mush, begging for you to save her.
It will be noted (slightly behind in the WWIT2011 writings, but I have notes) in the “What was I thinking 2011” entries, we have scaffolding up in the house for various parts of the work. Initially, the Bean had a healthy respect and slight fear of these things. Now – they are monkey bars. There are no notes in the What to Expect books about this, nor are there tips on how to baby proof it. For the time being, we are going with the “don’t touch” plan… she hasn’t broken her neck yet – so I guess it is working out fine.
Tell me about your two-year old children (past or present) – are they fearless?
Thanks to the ever concerned, Private-i, I have learned these very important tips should Zombies attack during the holiday season. Even though we are early for the Christmas holiday, I think it translates well for St. Patrick’s Day and Easter.
The embedded video wouldn’t work for some reason, so you have the link. If you can’t see the video… here is the Cliff’s notes version:
Don’t cook pies before killing zombies
Don’t kiss strangers
Shoot annoying carolers
Although we are as Zombie resistant as one can get, it is good to be prepared. Are you ready?
This email funny is brought to you from the depths of my mail box. For you, I suffer through the dozens of chain letters, false warnings of the world ending because a turkey tripped over a curb in New York City and any number of other ramblings sent by way of the “forward this to 100 people” senders I know…
Every once in a while there is a gem and this is one of them. Enjoy.
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:-
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:-
1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3.. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6.. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
In case you were curious, they do look like you are wearing pajamas. You are not fooling anyone.
Ok, maybe you are fooling someone – but the people you are fooling are really stupid.
Because the commercial promotes them as a valid alternative to “real jeans” (“costing up to $80” as quoted by the commercial), you look less stupid wearing actual pajamas. Even if you wore footy pajamas, I’d laugh a little less.
Have you seen any pajama jeans in real life? Or, do you own a pair? If not – will you be adding them to your wish list?
On a tour of the web recently, I found this video of Ze Frank. It was not great, but had a couple of really great ideas. The two I loved were:
Here is my office supply picture… please do share yours. I know you have that evil creativity… go ahead.. you can do it… I have faith in you.
This article was shared on Facebook and I had to laugh.
Ashburn, VA is the town that is VERY close to the town I used to live in (which was #3 Herndon).
This may be a question for the NoVA residents who read this blog – but I am curious what your opinion is on why Ashburn and Herndon rate so highly. Please be creative.
Note – AOL is located very close to Ashburn. If the users who use AOL dial-up are logged as Ashburn, this could be a literal reason… I don’t know. But that answer is no fun at all.. I need more creativity out of you.
What do you think?
If you are not from NoVA – why do you think your town didn’t rate as well? (or poorly… depending on how you look at it)
Forgive my text lingo in the headline. It makes perfect sense in conjunction with the best use of Facebook parodies ever!
Do you know of others? please share?!?! This makes me giggle hours after seeing it for the first time.
My particular favorite is the cockroach reply to the asteroid.. “whateves”