In the past few weeks, I have learned a lot. So today’s entry is a combination of many weeks versions of “what I’ve learned” and a story here and there. Here is what I’ve learned… in no particular order.

First, I’ve learned that I am not going to be blogging regularly. I thought for sure I’d be able to keep up with at least a short entry a few times a week… Guess not. I will update when I can with what I can. My goal is to not miss the things I find funny with this whole mommy-hood process.

I know that I will never forget the New Year’s party of 2008/09. Instead of our fancy New Year’s party, I was in labor. All the “fam” was there — (my mom and our good friends). While I was in labor, everyone was there in support… waiting for this kiddo to make an appearance before the end of 2008. At midnight we took the traditional picture of the group (this time everyone huddled around my hospital bed between contractions). At 1:30ish, the doctor advised a c-section then at 2:50 am, my daughter was born. Sadly, I never did get to “prove my pelvis”. Or maybe that isn’t so bad… still up for debate.

I learned that “breaking your water” is weird. It really can’t be described another way… it is just weird. It also took much longer than I expected… as it turns out, there is about 50 gallons of fluid in there. So you have the “gush”, then it keeps going at a slower pace… for a shockingly long time.

The advice doesn’t stop — but it changes. Instead of horror stories about women being split in two during child birth and militant advice about how I need to do this or that in order to have a child survive the first year, I get “it will pass” and “yeah, but it won’t last long”. Somewhat less specific in remedy and somewhat more annoying — at least with the horror stories and militant advice I could pick out what I wanted to listen to and learn. Now I get not much more than passive pity while people ignore me and my wonder about how to solve age old problems like making a newborn sleep at night instead of all day.

During birth, I learned that 16 hours of labor and 12 hours after your water breaks — it doesn’t translate into “ripe enough” for the doctor and even after those 16 hours, you can still get a c-section.

I learned that a c-section can be equated to a greased pig being pulled out of a change purse.

I learned that an epidural is my new favorite thing ever in the world. You can still feel things… but you don’t feel the pain. For someone like me who likes to know the dirty details about what’s happening, it is a great thing. I also learned that my new best friend is the drug dealers (aka, anesthesiologists) at the hospital who gave me the epidural and pain meds.

I’ve learned that infants have amazing velocity when spitting up (polite word for baby puke), pooping and peeing.

I’ve learned that it is possible for new moms to get 8 hours of sleep a day. I’ve also learned that it will not be at more than 2 hours at a stretch.

Crying at commercials and heart warming (or scary) episodes of my favorite TV shows can still make me cry like a baby. I was really hoping this hormonal crap would be over… turns out I have a few more weeks left. I think it is even more annoying because I cannot logically explain the crying, but also cannot stop. At least with a good tear jerker of a movie, I can justify a few more tears than before… but crying over nothing is just frustratingly stupid. Luckily it doesn’t last long.

Driving with a baby in the car gives you super powers, especially when it is YOUR baby. I am all of a sudden far more aware of where every car is around me, how fast they are going and I now have the reaction time of a super hero. Too bad I didn’t get the ability to fly… that would have been pretty awesome.

Men and women react to babies differently. Women bond and fall in love with this little creature over the several months they are growing inside you. Then when you see the baby for the first time, you are looking at this little stranger who you already know so well and already love. Men have never met this little girl and look at her with wonder and amazement as they fall in love with her for the first time. Watching hubby go through this was my favorite part of the first day with our baby. Hubby was like an old pro caring for our daughter. Every inch over her was inspected and memorized. He watched her every second, looking into her dark grey/blue eyes and touching her soft skin.

Someone told me that in some Asian cultures, they don’t use diapers at all. Instead they watch the child for signs that it is “time” and they take them to the toilet. In watching my own child for a few days, I can see where this would be possible. The times are pretty predictable — after eating, as soon as she wakes, etc. I think I’ll stick with the good ‘ole American version of disposable diapers.

During labor, it is not impossible to keep your dignity… you just have to be a little more insistent about it. OK… you do have to be less modest for all the poking and proding various people will do, but it is possible.

Nursing is very odd. Not the act, per se — but the fact that you have milk coming out without your control. If your own child is crying, it makes sense your body would react. But other babies crying, the water running in the shower and other random events causes random leaks. I am now grateful for the advice about getting pads and taking them to the hospital. I would not have had a dry shirt for the last day of my stay otherwise.

I’ve decided to share my not so horror story with other pregnant women. I had a lot of really great experiences through pregnancy, birth and post-pardom. Instead of dwelling on the negative (which can be more fun to discuss at times) is really hard for a first timer… and no one seems to tell you the good stories. I am going to try and change that for the next first-timer I know. I had a great pregnancy (once I got my drugs) and felt really great. I only gained 23 pounds and two weeks later I am 4 pounds less than I was before I got pregnant (thanks to all those calories going to breast feeding), I can just about fit into my pre-preg clothes (my incision area is still tender and the pooch is still there… but not bad at all for two weeks!), I have had no trouble nursing and have an abundant supply. All in all… I count myself very lucky and want all those first time mommies to know that they aren’t all horror stories adn some are really good stories.

I’ve learned that you still forget things. At least it makes sense now… I don’t sleep, so I forget things. OK… I’ve already forgotten about everything else that was “blog worthy”… but this will do.